The Relationship Economy
Your Most Valuable Consulting Asset
One of my favorite background things to have on is The Office. Yes, I am an elder millennial.
There is an episode where Michael Scott breaks out his old paper rolodex. Actually, Dwight steals it and uses it against Michael. But the point is Michael kept detailed cards with notes about every client. He remembered birthdays, kids’ names, and personal details.
And you know what? It worked. His clients stayed loyal because he built genuine connections with them.
This got me thinking about how we build our consulting businesses. Our research shows most of us grow through our networks, especially in the first few years: “About 80% of client engagements come from personal networks.”
Yet I notice many of us (myself included) sometimes neglect the work of nurturing relationships in favor of shortcuts. But asking people in your network for help is the whole ballgame. If you can do that -- ask for a warm introduction, ask for money, ask for business -- you can do most things. Today’s newsletter is about how.
The Network Reality Check
Business development happens in two main ways for independent consultants:
Inbound: People notice you and reach out. But why do they notice you? Because you’re on their radar. You’ve made an impression that stuck. You have a healthy relationship.
Outbound: You’re asking for introductions to potential clients. This usually means tapping someone in your network for help.
Both paths eventually turn on the same thing: can you ask people for help, and are they willing to help you?
Thirty years ago, I think everyone instinctively understood this. In the era before email, when people stayed in their hometowns and conducted business in person or over the phone, relationship-building was baked into daily life.
We’ve lost some of that muscle memory. Digital tools create the illusion we don’t need these personal connections anymore.
I fell into this trap myself when I first started consulting. I thought: I’ll make an awesome website, write great weekly posts, and clients will find me. I think this expectation crept in via Google and Facebook. Since they make their money from advertising, they have created this unspoken assumption that if you build it, they will come to it through the magic of the internet. But this isn’t how it works, or at least it hasn’t worked for me.
What works? Asking people for shit.
Investing in Relationships (Starting Today)
I’m not perfect at this, but I’m married to someone who nearly is, and I’ve learned at her feet. You probably already know this stuff, but if you haven’t been practicing it, it can feel hard to get started. Here are a few things that hopefully will feel easy to get back on track!
Send casual connection notes. Yesterday, I was researching a nonprofit and noticed their Founder/CEO is someone I went to college with. I sent him a simple LinkedIn note: “Hey Matt! Long time no talk. I was reading about XXX and saw you’re the Founder and CEO. I thought: I know that guy! Congrats on your success, and thanks for the important work. Hope our paths cross sometime.” He wrote back a really nice note, too.
Send thank you notes. They’ve gone out of style, but they always hit right. A handwritten card stands out, but don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good. Just send a thank you email after someone does you a favor, even if it’s something small.
Remember the important stuff. Birthdays, kids’ names, health challenges. Reach out proactively when these things come up.
Show up in person. Easier said than done in the remote work era, but try to be there when someone invites you to something. If you’re ready to up your game, work from a coffee shop a few times a month, and invite different contacts to join you throughout the day when you do. I’ve started doing this, and just about everyone says yes. I often don’t have a specific goal or ask, either. We’ll share updates and enjoy the time together.
The Art of the Ask
I’ve been held back before by not feeling confident in how to ask someone for something. But I’ve had to overcome that anxiety at Chorus AI, where my job involves figuring out who in my network connects to others, then requesting introductions. Here are some tips, and below I’ve included a sample email I’ve been using to ask for introductions. Feel free to adapt it to your purposes.
Make it easy. It should feel plug-and-play for the person you’re asking for help. Tell them exactly what you need, then provide all the materials to help them do it. Draft the email they can forward. Create the one-pager they can share.
Get to the point. Put your ask in the subject line, then state it clearly in the first sentence. I hate when I know someone wants something from me, then they beat around the bush. I’m usually happy to help, but don’t waste EVEN MORE of my time!
Use the double opt-in approach for introductions. Your contact should ask the third person (the one to whom you want the intro) if they’re open to connecting before making the introduction. This preserves everyone’s time and your contact’s social capital (i.e. they don’t become known for unsolicited meetings).
Don’t ask contacts to say more than they’re comfortable with. I made this mistake early on, asking my network to promote Chorus AI’s products when they hadn’t used them. Finally, someone (thank you, Naomi!) pointed out she wasn’t comfortable bringing our product to people until someone she knew vouched for it. Now, I word requests in ways contacts can feel comfortable sharing: “Sam mentioned their partners are seeing 10-20% higher engagement rates while cutting content creation time in half.” Now my network is simply relaying information, not personally endorsing it.
Introvert Corner
If you’re an introvert, I’m guessing this newsletter made your blood run cold. I usually score a perfect 10 on the introvert scale, so link arms with me, fellow introverts!
It’s hard for us to spend energy on social interaction like this. Doubly hard when we’re needing to make small talk with someone we haven’t talked to in a while, triply hard when we’re asking someone for something. Here are a few things I’ve been practicing to make it more doable.
Opt for in-person. I dread an in-person meeting more than a virtual meeting, but I leave it feeling a million times better. Even if I’m more depleted, I have good memories and a positive vibe from in-person. So just suck it up and see people!
Share something about yourself. I don’t know why, but for me, having something personal I can share with someone else when I’m reaching out makes it all feel a little easier. This sounds counterintuitive for an introvert, but I guess it makes it feel like a more even exchange.
Talking without small talk. I’ve realized some of the most draining social interactions are the ones that revolve around small talk. Or worse, not knowing what to talk about and sitting with in anxious silence. My solution has been to work up some questions that skip small talk, invite thoughtful responses, and are likely to lead to an opportunity to share. “What’s been the most interesting challenge in your work lately?” yields some great conversations.
The Relationship Investment Pays Off
The internet promised us we could bypass relationship-building with clever marketing and SEO. But especially in the social impact space, people hire consultants they trust. Trust comes from relationships.
So this week, I challenge myself (and invite you along): reach out to three people in your network with no agenda other than to reconnect. The investment will pay dividends in ways you can’t predict.
Until next week,
Sam
P.S. What relationship-building tactics work for you? Hit reply and let me know - I’d love to feature your ideas in a future newsletter.
Sample Email To Use For An Introduction
Subject: Intro to [Third Person] at [Group]?
Hi [Network Connection],
Thanks again for writing the newsletter with me! It seems to be getting a great response. I hope you’ve found it to be a good experience.
I’m reaching out because I noticed you’re connected with [Third Person], who leads marketing at [Group]. I wanted to ask you for an intro.
You’ve heard a bit about what we’ve been cooking up at Chorus AI. But to bring it all front of mind, we’ve created Chorus AI Marketing Studio specifically for nonprofits like [Group] who are forced to use fragmented marketing tools and inefficient processes. With the recent setbacks in philanthropy and the increased difficulty in breaking through online, I think [Group] would benefit from a unified approach.
Our platform is helping organizations like Accelerate Change and M+R unify their marketing data and create better content faster. Our partners typically see 10-20% higher engagement rates and cut content creation time in half.
Would you be willing to introduce me to [Third Person]?
I’ve included a template below you can use to make this easy. It follows the double opt-in approach so [Third Person] can decide if she wants to connect.
Thanks for considering this!
Sam
###
Subject: Quick question - would you like an intro to Chorus AI?
Hi [Third Person],
Hope your week is going well.
My friend Sam is the co-founder of Chorus AI. They’ve built the first AI-powered marketing studio specifically designed for nonprofits that need to coordinate marketing across multiple channels.
I thought of you because of your role at [Group] and the challenges I’m guessing you’re facing coordinating your multichannel campaigns. Their platform uniquely combines analytics, content optimization, and automated execution in one integrated solution – something I know is a pain point in the nonprofit sector.
Sam mentioned their partners are seeing 10-20% higher engagement rates while cutting content creation time in half. With year-end fundraising season approaching, this timing might be particularly good for your team.
Would you be open to an introduction? I’ve included Sam’s note below so you can see if it’s relevant.
Best,
[Network Connection]
---------- Forwarded message ----------
Hi [Third Person],
I’m Sam, co-founder of Chorus AI. We built a Marketing Studio specifically for nonprofits after experiencing firsthand how much time and money gets wasted with fragmented marketing tools.
Our platform unifies your marketing data across channels, helps you create optimized content faster, and automates execution - all without requiring technical expertise.
Organizations like yours use Chorus AI to:
Access unified analytics through simple conversation
Create high-performing content in half the time
Deploy campaigns that drive 10-20% better results
I’d love to learn about your marketing goals and share how we might help. Would you be open to a 30-minute conversation?
Best,
Sam
1000%. Authenticity and relationships that are real really matter. More people could benefit from this.