The Relationship Economy: Part 2
Measuring, Maintaining, and Mending Your Professional Relationships
Last week, I wrote about relationships in consulting. We explored how relationships are the foundation of consulting success and how to make meaningful asks within your network. I’ve been focused on this topic lately for a few reasons. First, I’ve had to relearn relationship-building skills in the era of remote work. Second, our community survey revealed that most of us get our work through our networks, so asking people for help is the whole ballgame.
The response was overwhelming. Many of you wrote back with your own relationship-building practices. Others asked for more specific guidance on navigating the nuances of professional relationships.
“I know relationships matter, but how do I measure if I’m doing it right?”
“What happens when relationships get complicated?”
Great questions. Today we will dig deeper on the relationship economy.
Every Business Is In The Hospitality Industry
You know what, let’s go back to The Office for more inspiration.
We’re early in Season 4. Michael Scott wants to prove that a new website for Dunder Mifflin isn’t the panacea Ryan claims it will be.
Michael’s plan: take gift baskets to churned customers. “We are going to win them back with peanut brittle, with macademia nut cookies, with chocolate turtles, with raspberry jam, and with a little bit of fat and salt. Because you know what...that’s what people like.”
Although Michael’s gift baskets don’t work — none of the churned customers come back — I think he’s totally right!
In the contemporary economy, there is always a competitor offering the same thing you do. Because of the internet, any of your potential customers can find that competitor. Finally, although not true in all cases, I don’t see customers being very price sensitive when it comes to professional services.
In that competitive landscape, the way to succeed is to build and maintain great relationships. You can definitely try gift baskets, but an easy way to stand out is to embrace a hospitality mindset. My friend and colleague Tareq Alani shared Will Guidara’s work with me, and Will has a book, conference, and learning series all about the hospitality mindset. Will describes it this way, “The one principle that will never go out of season: the human desire to be taken care of.”
What would it mean to meet this desire for the people in your business life?
The Concierge Mindset
A good concierge anticipates needs. Removes friction. Makes connections. Solves problems without being asked.
People who are good at this send articles to clients before they know they need them. Connect two contacts who later become collaborators. Remember dietary restrictions months after they were mentioned.
These small acts of service create disproportionate goodwill. They transform transactional relationships into partnerships.
I’m naturally more task-focused than service-oriented. But I’ve found that asking myself “What would a great concierge do here?” shifts my perspective in helpful ways.
Once, a client mentioned in passing that they were struggling to find a specific type of data for a project. The project wasn’t mine, but I happened to know someone at an organization with access to that data. I made the connection without being asked.
The effort took me five minutes. The appreciation lasted much longer. Here are five quick things you can do:
The Article Forward: When you read an industry report or article that addresses a specific challenge a client mentioned, send it with a simple note: “Saw this piece on [topic] and immediately thought of our conversation last month. Hope it’s helpful!”
The Milestone Recognition: Set calendar reminders for important client events (campaign launches, organizational anniversaries, funding announcements) and send a thoughtful congratulatory note when they occur.
The Follow-Up Detail: Reference a personal detail mentioned in passing during your last conversation: “How was your daughter’s piano recital?” or “Did you end up trying that restaurant you mentioned?”
The Friction Reducer: Anticipate and remove small obstacles before they become issues. For example, “I’ve attached the agenda, background reading, and Zoom link all in one place to make tomorrow’s meeting easier to prepare for.”
The Resource Curator: Create a simple, personalized resource document for a client after they mention a challenge. For example, if they’re struggling with board engagement, compile a one-pager with 3-4 relevant articles, a template they could use, and 1-2 expert contacts who might be willing to have a quick call. The key is customization: making something specifically curated for their unique situation.
Trust-Building Isn’t Magic
Are some people were naturally gifted at building trust? I can name several professional acquaintances who can walk into a room and leave with three new friends and a client. I’m sure you k now people like this, too, and maybe you assume they have some innate charisma you lack.
But over time, I noticed patterns in how people with this gift operate. They listen more than they speak. They follow up on small details people mention. They admit when they don’t know something.
It’s a bunch of practices anyone can adopt.
I’ve found that trust builds fastest when I focus on consistency between my words and actions. I say I’ll send something by Friday, I send it by Friday. I mention I’ll introduce someone, I make the introduction that day.
This sounds obvious, but in our busy lives, these small promises often slip. Each kept commitment is a brick in the foundation of trust. It can’t be rushed, either.
Another practice that works for me: I share relevant information without expectation of return. When I read something that might help a contact, I send it along with a simple note: “Saw this and thought of your work with X organization.” No ask attached.
The Metrics That Actually Matter
We consultants love our metrics. But how do you measure something as intangible as relationship quality?
I’ve tried various approaches over the years. Tracking outreach frequency. Counting referrals. Categorizing contacts by “warmth.”
Now I use a simpler framework. For key professional relationships, I periodically ask myself three questions. If the answer to all three is yes, that relationship is healthy. If not, I know where to focus my attention.
1. Would this person take my call without knowing why I’m calling? This measures basic goodwill. If the answer is no, then I need to use my hospitality skills and help this person feel like I’m taking care of them. Giving is a great way to build goodwill.
2. Would they vouch for me to someone in their network? This measures their confidence in me. In many cases, our professional relationships don’t have direct knowledge of our work. Instead, they’re vouching for our values and personality qualities. So if the answer is no, then I’ll concentrate on building trust, brick by brick.
3. Do I genuinely enjoy our interactions? This measures sustainability. If the answer is no, then I usually do two things. First, I up the frequency of interactions. The more we’re in touch, the easier those interactions feel. Second, I’ll start with common ground and work from there. By that, I mean I’ll focus my interactions on things I know are winners: topics that excite them, fun or easy conversations, and so on.
Relationship Recovery
We all mess up sometimes. Missed deadlines. Forgotten follow-ups. Misunderstandings that fester.
I used to avoid these situations out of embarrassment. Or just not knowing what words to use to remediate them. It’s all made harder by not being in-person most of the time. So I’d let connections go cold rather than acknowledge my lapse.
Now I see relationship recovery as a skill worth developing.
Last year, I dropped the ball on an introduction I’d promised to make. Weeks passed. The longer I waited, the more awkward it felt to reach out.
Finally, I sent a simple message: “I owe you an apology. I promised to connect you with Bill and then completely failed to follow through. No excuses - it simply slipped off my radar. I’ve reached out to him today, and I’m sorry for the delay.”
The response was gracious. The relationship recovered. Most people know this kind of thing happens and are accepting, because they value honesty over perfection.
When recovering a relationship, I find it helps to: acknowledge specifically what happened, avoid elaborate excuses, offer a concrete next step, and then move forward without dwelling on the mistake.
Related to that, I’m trying to be better about being direct. I’ve learned that most relationship complications arise from avoiding difficult conversations. The path through is usually direct communication, delivered with care. Easier said than done, and I don’t have any magic words of wisdom here. Roleplay the conversation with a trusted friend to figure out how to say what you want to say -- that’s my best advice.
The Long Game
Building meaningful professional relationships isn’t a sprint. It’s not even a marathon. It’s more like tending a garden that produces different yields in different seasons.
Some connections bear fruit immediately. Others lie dormant for years before suddenly becoming vital.
I once reconnected with a former colleague after over 5 years of silence. Our casual chat led to one of the largest contracts of my consulting career six months later.
There was no way to predict that outcome. It happened because both of us had maintained enough goodwill that reconnecting felt natural. I focus on creating value for my network consistently, trusting that value will return in unexpected ways.
Your Turn
I’m curious about your experiences navigating professional relationships. What’s been your biggest relationship challenge as a consultant? How did you handle it?
Until next week,
Sam